The colors of her world

I wait to see the picture she posts.
The big green tea cup with honey and milk
and that whole grain bread with what I imagine to be butter, jam and a slice of good stinking cheese.
Oh I am hungry, always hungry, always craving, somebody else's toast and tea.
An imagined inner calmness which I can never find.
The knowledge of being, of being at peace within.
She only writes a few sentences that speak of design and simple day tasks, nothing much, really, nothing to expose the innards, yet she has the talent to convey so much in a simple picture.
Not all of them, I have no patience for pictures of view, of white winters somewhere far from here, Nature's beauty bores me to tears. But when she posts a cup of tea and the little bag of Finish cookies beside it on her simple table in her simple tasteful home, I just want to die in peace.
There is not simplicity in my life, even though I too live in simple home and I too love my simple home. Every corner in my little home captures so much beauty I could ever ask for more in my daily picture.
But my home is not mine, and my life is apt to change. At any give moment i expect the rug of stability to be pulled from under my feet and everything I have called my life will change abruptly.
That's how it is for me. And for a homebody Torus that 's enough to shake every cell of security I don't posses even before it ever actually happens.
I am in a place of extreme financial duress, everything we have done and worked so hard for has brought this family to this place.
And looking at the path we have chosen, although unconventional and stubborn, no doubt, I have to admit that some lives are simply not blessed with luck in certain respects, period.
Money never came my way, no matter what I did. It apparently was to be my curse.
So now I brace myself, trying to adjust my brain to the make friends with the change and instability that is about to befall my way. Me, a mother of two who will have to some how feed and bed two children who holey depend on my for their every breath.
Really it is due to the light in the cold land where she lives. It is the light which allows for that sombre yet alluring flavor, a hue, a glow.
I know it, still, even though I don't really want to live there, to me it is so delicious.
It is raining to day. very befitting of my gloomy mood, but we will be alright, I know it.
Somewhere along the way luck will finally find us, there is enough out there and I only ask for a little.
But in the meantime it's time to make those Olive Oil muffins (a recipe I've been dying to make for a while now). I can see the picture I'm gonna take already, of one half bitten muffin with crumbs on the plate and a big mug of green tea with honey and milk on the side. I will describe the sweet savory flavor meticulously. I promise. :-).

Thursday morning,

Ahhh, breakfast, the best part of the day. And today, the day of the eve of Xmas we begin with our favorite buttermilk pancakes a la David Rosengarten, of course.
I have to say, Wylder and Georgia love licking the batter more than the finished product, but after much fuss and preparations and table setting and honey and pasting the butter in a face shaped lumps on the pancakes, (on top of the butter which the recipe calls for anyway) it takes five minutes for every one to gobble down the food and vroooom. . . . they disperse .
My favorite part is the deserted table left behind.
Some of the kitchen wear you are looking at is from the collection of Daniel's designs.
Today we make the Boeuf Bourguinon!
Georgia speeds into my face every 10 minutes or so (or should I say everyone minute) to ask "when do we start?"
I suggested pancakes as something to make while waiting to make, but apparently it was no match for the great expectations.
Georgia is always waiting for that which comes next. I suppose ( I hope) this is typical of some 7 year olds. Such impatiens would be very difficult to live with, I would think.
We decided the endless stages of browning reducing and simmering (because David Rosenarten adds a few stages to Julia Childs') will begin at 2 pm so that we can eat around 6pm.
But Daniel and I are already sharing a glass of red wine (at 12pm) with a bite of brie (we got for desert) and some lovely country bread (which the recipe requires) just to get in the mood.
I am glad to report that Georgia has tasted her first bite of Brie and loved it!



I realize, as I am documenting our life, how much detail and love we give to what we eat and how we put it on the table. How better to depict the heart of a family than through our eating habits.
Seeing what is turning up on my posts I realize also how badly I have been yearning to find people, another couple, like us. To invite over for elaborate meals some times. To venture out to the many ethnic incredible restaurants waiting to be discovered in the vastness of this town. Of course, this must be a couple with kids who is used to and willing to the struggle in takes to enjoy a restaurant meal with two young children. Indeed not easy, but I'm sure that somewhere out there, there is a family like us, who travels in a pack and takes their kids everywhere and love food at the same time! Are u out there???????
It is 12pm on this lazy day and better hit the shower before I get too tipsy to care.
to report back soon.



The aromas in the apartment are intoxicating.
one bottle of Pinot Noir Bourgongne later we are all ready to eat, well, except Wylder who is on his third green apple and seems to be oblivious to the fragrant air he is inhaling.
after 3 hours in the oven it's time for the finishing touches which include adding the caramelized pearl onions, the white mushrooms sauteed in butter,the pork bits that have been reduced to crispiness and the thickening sauce -Beurre Manie.
I take a spoon full of sauce to check for flavor . .. .  layers of flavor attack my tongue.  We have made Texas chili not too long ago (in August), but this is soooo rich.
6:30 we finally sit down to eat with yet another glass of wine, simple baked potato's and some of that wonderful country bread, . . .
wish the pictures could yield some of the aromas here.


















desert was kept simple tonight, more brie and then fresh dark chocolate with nuts,
And, of course, a freshly brewed cup of tea.
Tonight's flavor of choice, a soothing - Pasiflora (Passion Fruit).













Still taking orders . . . .. :-)


Daniel's night cap
was. . . .









After the kids had fallen asleep Daniel and I made love in our bed.
Yes, in the room with the kids sleeping all around us.
The thing about making love in a room with your kids is knowing your own kids.
As for my kids, when they're asleep, they're asleep.
It's as simple as that.
I felt like we were in a boat, rocking gently to a somewhat drunken calm ocean rhythm.
The walls were still emanating wine fumes and so was our breath, all of ours, it seemed.
We were tired. It had been a long satisfying day of cooking, but most exhausting of all, as it turns out, is the waiting.
Sweet Dreams, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.