The Voyeur of New Year's Eve, or, The making of Shrimp Toast

The Voyeur.












This year, with Georgia being 7, I feel that we are making it official - our Shrimp Toast tradition for New Year's. I hope she likes it.
Maybe even Wylder might, after all it's just really good fried food, but you never can tell with kids .

The sticker box is busy, she's open wide and the kids are picking out their choices to stick on to "Spy" tubes that Georgia made out of construction paper.

Ever so engrossed they are.
Momentary peace prevails as I watch them sprawled on the carpet, inventing and making rules as she goes along, Georgia, while Wylder must follow, "OK?" "OK"
It's New Year's Eve and I'm watching:
my home,
my Daniel
my Georgia,
My Wylder,
 my thoughts.
Trying to find the spiritual lens to best capture it for myself.
Is this moment in time really happening - to me?
Should I feel like I've accomplished a lot this year?
It would be nice if I did, but I don't.
Just watching these two people on the carpet I'm in owe of life.
How it happens?
How little I actually have to do with it.
Really, I could not have invited two better souls into my life.
I would think so, of course - my beloveds.
But it's not as if I had any idea these were the hearts I would be getting.
I am feeling an intoxicating lethargy as I dedicate this day (didn't plan to) to watching my life through someone else's eyes.
Having started this blog this was my purpose.
Watch the days of my life unfold in a play written by someone . . . else.
Now - the flavors enhanced with curiosity - a voyeur's mesmerizing arrest - suddenly the daily dish thickens, layered with aroma.
How fascinating - all it needed was to be touched by a complete stranger - (watching) to gain all this depth.
And I discover, it is there - all the time.
Even in what I deem to be the grayest of days.
It is there!
Waiting to be watched.
In Georgia's fingers dancing on the piano as her dad sits on the arm of the sofa, next to her, instructing her.
In the purity of Wylder's body in a luscious bubble bath.



And wait. . . there's more, in the kitchen, soon, all of us making Shrimp Toast, our New Year's tradition.
Daniel and I toasting with a slim glass of Champagne,
My heart swells as I catch that glimmer in his dark eyes .
Georgia and Wylder participating witnesses - a moment - an imprint - a memory.
- my beloveds.


The making of Shrimp Toast - 2010

The flattening.











The shrimp pasting.











The cooperation





















the frying.


























May everything we wish for and beyond - come true this year.
Happy 2010!

A Home Schooling day - how it goes

Off they went,
Buttoned up with umbrellas to boot to look for snails in a rare LA light rainy day.
Georgia, the snail lover, tapper wear container in hand, ready to capture and bring home to me the unwanted slimers.


People always ask me, "so how do you do it, how many hours a day? do you start in the morning and teach for a few hours?"
Well, no.
I don't have a schedule, I don't follow any strict regimen or any home school program out there (and there are many).
First thing in the morning (between 7 -7:30) Wylder and Georgia get to start the day whenever they wake up playing their Nintendo or watching TV. This goes on 'till about 9am. When Georgia will be called upon either to do a chapter in one of her homework books, Math, Language, spelling. This will take her about an hour, mostly because she'll spend a good amount of time on pouting and complaining that she needs urgently to be doing something else. Then she'll usually practice piano with her dad for another 25 minutes.
Then she's free to do something which does not involve a screen. Read maybe????? NO WAY!
Wylder will be called upon to play educational games on his dad's computer, as opposed to the non educational ones he was playing before.
Then, in the late afternoon or evening we will sit down to read (Georgia and I) and look up difficult words in the dictionary. Georgia likes the dictionary.
Wylder will be busy counting and talking in numbers throughout the day.
This morning he was playing a math game when Daniel said to him "call me when you get to 1000"
Wylder replied. "No, 100, dad, 1000 is too much"
During the day we'll often ask Georgia to answer timetable questions and spelling words, but very casually and not in a sit-down manner.
computer games are the best. But for, sure, screens are by far the favorite play object in this house hold so all too often we simply take advantage of that if I need to get anything done.
Here's what happened today for instance. Georgia wanted to make a short film to send to the "I Carly" TV show, She loves the show and is always looking for ways to get on it.
Her initial idea was to make a film about, how to crack open a coconut.
Mission accomplished they (Daniel Georgia and Wylder, with me hovering in the background taking my own pics in the other camera) moved on to shooting other things.













Namely, a "tickle my brother short. Wylder is very good at being tickled.
He gets into a laughing fit quite willingly and was happy to "act" his part for the movie.
It turned out to be a busy day and that's almost without leaving the house (accept for a short stint to look for snail, which were never found).


Afternoon tea.









And call it what you like break.

Nintendo DS and Banana Squash for dinner.

I live in a house hold dominated by computer screens and computer games..
In our small one bed room there are four computer (screens) two Nintendo games
And One TV (screen)
Georgia and Wylder wake up in the morning and immediately dive into their Nintendo. I allow it because that's how I get my sun saluting to happen.
About and hour later (when I'm putting breakfast on the table) they are still in a far away land with Wylder singing along with the game's suspense music the whole time. It takes some serious temptations to wiggle the screens out of them and allow the "Tendos" as we call them to go to sleep and get charged.

The "Tendo" obsession began when he was two.
We had finally agreed to get Georgia (who was 6) her first Nintendo. To our great surprise Wylder immediately took over the device and had complete control of the buttons and screen.
Terrible fights ensued and 2 days later we got our second "Tendo"
True, the boy taught himself the ABC at 19 month (Lower case as well as Upper), but this????
Now at three, he can count to 10,000, he can count by ten, he can count by hundreds, you name it the boy is obsessed with numbers. I'm not saying "Tendo" is good education.
I don't know what it's doing to his little/big brain. I am however, very curious to see the kind of people this "screen" generation will evolve into. but for now it remains to be seen.
Georgia is, and always has been proficient with computers and she too was reading by age 3, but Wylder's command of the screen borders the eerie.
I think it's a generational thing because I can attest to the fact that Wylder was born with it.
I think this is an important chip and for Wylder there ain't anything I can think of that would provide him with the kind of constant stimulation that he needs as well as computer games do, many of which are educational.
When he was only days old he would stop crying promptly and was mesmerized if we started counting.
But still, watching him I worry. My homeschooling philosophy is that being at home is important. We spend the majority of our time inside rather than in parks and other out door amusements, so screens do come with the territory, it's just finding the balance, the constant battle. The same as it is with sweets, all day everyday.
My kids will prefer a screen to a book anytime. And although I read to Georgia and she enjoys it very much, for the most part it's a screen that she'll be glued to. I had always imagined myself reading to my daughter, but she was never was enthusiastic about sitting down to read.

But that's for a whole 'nother post.

As for today's menu. I present to you ... Bulgur..
Banana squash with Bulgur.
Bulgur is one of my favorite grains (I have many though).
The beauty of bulgur is that it doesn't need to be cooked at all.
I often just pour boiling water over it (just enough to cover) add butter and salt and cover the dish. After just 10 minutes you got a wonderful pasta like dish that is way healthier and yummier. Georgia looooves it.
For tonight dish:
I whole onion peeled and cut
2 pounds of Banana Squash (any squash will do)
1/2-1 cup bulgur.
3 tbls of chopped parsley.
3tbls Extra Virgin Olive oil.
Sea salt.
Instructions.
Saute onions 'till transluscent.
add squash and sautee until soft.
If needed add water as you cook to speed up the process (I like to add broth for flavor)
When squash is soft add the bulgur (add liquid only if necessary be careful not to make a soup)

Add Parsley just before serving.

I served it with home made Tahini on the side.
Made according to the instruction on container. (be sure to get a good quality Tahini made of 100% sesame seeds.
For protein we had hard boiled eggs with this.
Bon Appetite.












As for sex, I can only report about last night. Yes we had ourselves some great sex. I guess I'm still excited about the new liberation I've discovered in my latest resolve, but to say that I(we) will keep this up for ever . . . . .






Sweet Dreams.

When in doubt, have sex.

Morning,
Yes, I know, I said it was going to be about sex, but that doesn't mean there is not a day that leads up to it.
Allow me to warm up by telling you about food (very connected to sex).
Starting with breakfast, my favorite part of the day.
At 8:30 today after meditation and saluting the sun, I was making tea for myself and coffee for sleepy Daniel.
The usual Irish Steel Cut Oatmeal is in the picture too . Made with whole milk, cookedd slow and long on low heat (25-30 minutes with a little milk added every 5-7 minutes) and a few large grains of good sea salt. (A kitchen timer is absolutely necessary to have on hand, or else!)
Today I am making an Omlette that I make a lot because Wilder (who is a very small eater) will eat it (not Georgia) and it's a delicious way to get him to eat some spinach.
Today is also my first time posting one of my very own recipes.
So here it is with pictures of course.
Recipe yields three portions.
1/4 pound Firm Tofu; (makes between 20- 30 nicely cut white cubes)
4 eggs.
3/4 cup cut spinach.
a healthy pinch of good sea salt
Two twist of the pepper mill filled with (preferably) Malabar Pepper
Tbls of Grape seed oil
Tbls of butter
How to make:
In a bowl mix ingredients well (I use a fork so as not to mash the Tofu, I like to leave the cubes)


Start on high heat, I let the oil and butter heat up in the pan before I pour in the mixture.
Give it a good seven minutes until the edges of the omlette start bubbling and browning.
That's when I cut in half and even 4 and start flipping. (no I don't bother to leave it whole, it's divided into plates anyway.
After flipping turn down heat and give it another 5 -7 minutes on other side so that the eggs will be cooked through,
Serve with toast and butter and, of course, Irish Steel Cut Oats.
Enjoy!

As for the sex, as much as I would like to have it after a beautiful meal, unfortunately for us, not with breakfast, but later, much later.
When the evening (night) arrives and it's finally our time. I am exhausted! It's been a long day, not a moment to myself and all I want to do is lock myself in my office (bathroom) do my nightly cleansing and go to bed. So of course, the easiest casualty in this daily grind is the sex - tomorrow - I tell myself - "tomorrow".
I go and give Daniel a distant kiss goodnight(cause there's not going to be any sex tonight) and off I go, (leaving him at the computer).
But, somehow, this does not work out well for me. I lay there in the empty bed, listening to my children's sweet breath and I toss and I turn and I try to breath deep and blank my mind but as tired as I surely am, sleep escapes me. It has taken me a long time to come to the realization that when in doubt have sex. I need Daniel's warmth, his hug and I need to be close and break the barriers and allow myself to come undone and let go, more than, are you ready for this? Sleep!
Yes, I said it, even when it's the last thing I want to do, having been a mom all day and certainly not in touch with being sexy - the truth is, I need sex! So lately, when this happens, I don't wait, I, just do it! I take it! and I allow myself to be selfish! to be demanding! to be greedy and get an orgasm! To me the best "turn on" is when I feel Daniel being close to his and I'm hoping this works both ways.
Needless to say - afterward falling asleep is easy, even if Daniel chooses to get up and go back to his computer, (he likes to work late at night when the house is quiet) I still sleep easy, with the bed all to myself, but now it's OK.

**************************************************************************************
We often sit down together with the kids (either Daniel or me) to draw before bed time. Georgia and Wilder will otherwise spend this time bouncing off the couch and walls, because of course the more tired the more wired.
Here are tonight's creations






Wider said this was a Robot,
And Georgia was into snails this evening, what with the snow woman and all. She made herself a hairpin of a snail stuck on a chopstick and wore it in her hair all evening Happily.














One of my favorite bedtime calming teas is fennel seeds with a cinnamon stick.
If you let it steep for a while the cinnamon, besides its wonderful aroma will gives the tea some serious sweetness.








Sweet sleep

Need a better year.

Sunday.
Woke up late - Wylder kept waking up on and off between 5 and 6am.
After my morning routine(meditation, yoga) - Made breakfast. Here in the pic Irish Steel Cut Oats, a breakfast staple.
Finally at around 12 we went to the Farmers Market. I loooove the markets.
Wish I could shop only in the fresh farmers' market, but today we went just for fun and I always get inspired.









I always over shop at the Farmer's Markets, just can't help myself. And I end up hating myself when I have to throw away the spoiled produce,). Did not shop today, just took pics and enjoyed the scene.

The truth is I was overcome by worry today and it was good to be out.
Surely it is time for a change and yes making a move, even if forced, will shake things up for us. Luck has not been on our side where money is concerned and we can't afford our lives any longer. But some days I am able to be braver than others. Today I'm a chicken. Can't phantom losing my home.

Some of Daniels designs on fabric and plates.

Saturday

Morninig,
Wake up at 5:30 - Meditation.
Sneak out for an early morning swim and sun salutations. Not without leaving Georgia and Wylder a piece of pear bread we made last night.
coming home - Georgia and Wylder are deep into their Nintendo DS screens, having eaten the morning slice of Pear Bread.
I make coffee and bring it to Daniel who is still in deep asleep, with a slice of pear bread, of course .
Later we'll have fried potatoes with hot dog and egs.
The day begins, slowly for Daniel, 3 miles ahead for me.

It often starts like this - a tiger, ready to conquer the world.
But then the daemons set in, not just the reality of my current situation, but also my inner ones.
They creep up on me at night, even as I am trying to bond with my lover. They are mine - always present within me. Mine alone and can't be shared.
I want to share their weight, their taste, their feel, with Daniel, but I can not.
I want to be able to say it all, to let it out, to let myself free in crazy sex.
But I am choked, bound by shackels, held back, by pride, by shame.
Some people can do that -you know, let go. Not me - how I envy such freedom.
It is inside of me, what ever ales me. I will carry it around for the life that mine.
And all the apparent drawbacks in my 'reality' are just mere manifestations of the shadow my daemons cast upon my life.
It is not as dark as it sounds, we all have them. It's just a matter of awareness.
Our reality is only a thumb print in the path we carve out for ourselves as we go along in our life. Each and every one of us with our very own kind of "issues" which create the same kind of problems for us, again and again and again.
In my meditation, in my dreams, in my conscious effort to become familiar with my unconscious. I try to free myself.
To sneak up on myself before I do my thing.
To surprise myself.
To scare myself.
I always hit the closed door.
It slams shut in my face just as I am about to enter it.
Juno,
I am just such a Juno.
And there's no way out.
It is said that awareness is half way to cure. I have always found this sentense an insult to my intelligence.
I herewith proclaim it false, you hear me, false, the more you know the more complication your life begets. That's my opinion.










Returning to the beauty of this one Saturday afternoon,
I went for another long glorious walk around Sunset Strip. Just love that I live right at the heart of Hollywood (well, almost).
Daniel took a picture of the sunset from our bedroom window while I was gone.











Dinner was kept light - hard boiled eggs, cauliflower with garlic and bread crumbs (and Mac&Cheese for the kids),
We had, yet again, Boeuf Bourguinnone for lunch, (getting better still) Followed again, by Brie, afternoon coffee and dark chocolate.
I must admit though, I am ready to stop writing this big name.







Sliced oranges for desert.


When I got home it was bath time for Georgia and Wylder (later for me )

Wylder loves his bath time and I so enjoy filling a tub of perfect temperature water and helping him in. Bath is so important for kids, it gives a break and relaxing time which they don't know how to take otherwise. I like to put some Magnesium salt in the water, it's ever so calming.
Afterward we are all ready to enjoy the evening. Everyone finds a corner to do something, alone, or together.
By 9pm though I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed by all that I still want to do, a pile of dishes and Georgia and Wylder not at all ready to go to bed.

when I attempt to put them to bed I often find myself falling ready to fall asleep myself.
Bedtime takes forever, have to tell a thousand stories and then smootching and then more kisses and more hugs mainly for Georgia who refuses to let go of the day, allow it to end.

I must find a way to make bed time survivable for me.
But in the end, I never just fall asleep with the kids, not me, not never.
That would be nice, but going to bed early is not in my book.
I wake up at 10:15pm go to finish up cleaning. Find that Daniel had done the dishes.
To me that's making love.

I am still here - it's 12: 32pm.
yes, there's little sleep in my life. But that's the only way . . .
Daniel is taking a shower and I'm uploading my pictures of the day.
Until I actually go to sleep a lot can still happen but that's for later:-)
Sweet dreams.

Xmas day

Xmas, morning,
A beautiful crisp day.
Sun salutations in a beam of light coming form our big glorious living room window.


Morning green drink for me
Irish steel cut oatmeal and country bread with avocado and of course,, Italian Machiatto coffee which I take a little of as well.

later, bacon and eggs with Chai tea and soy milk.
And . . . figuring out the day.
List of things to be mindful off:
Be calm,
Be self conscious and try to love yourself even when you hate yourself.
Never raise your voice,
When you are ready to explode with impatience during the lingering afternoon hours either take a walk, or take a breathing break in the bathroom (do it before it's too late!).
Love yourself, love yourself, if you remember to love yourself you will be a great Mom today.
As for cravings:

A) don't forget the power and beauty of a freshly brewed cup of tea, all you need to do is take that time to enjoy it!
B) Do not forget the power of self restraint, in the end of the day it feel goooood, and the next day even better.

Sounds superb Juno , now sit back and watch the show.
oh, and don't forget to enjoy it!

It's 1pm - third pile of dishes of the day is happening.

When you have no money the weekends and holidays seem three times as long.
Our new business is an endeavor which takes more patience than I imagined.
The holiday is a time to make friends with doing nothing as far as moving things along for yourself go.
But worry will get me nowhere.
At birth Daniel was endowed with patience in abundance. Sometimes, just looking at his calm ease makes me want to scream! I am worried! I got a lot to worry about! my insides are on fire!
But Daniel is designing the products that hopefully will sell, while I'm the one with the time to sit here and think about all the "What ifs"

will there still be a roof above my head next month?
I don't think I'll be good at having to move out of necessity not knowing where I' going.
Not to mention it ain't going to be a place of my choice.
You must not think of this now, got to keep it together! You're the mom around here, an adult, remember?
Yes, and then there's always the laundry, thank god for the laundry.

A quiet day, the kids watching TV in the bedroom covered themselves with a pink blanket and sank into a hypnotic state.
At 3pm we warmed up the Boeuf Bouguinnone. As expected with such a deeply rich stew it was better today and probably will be better tomorrow.
I took a long brisk walk at 5pm. Got home and discovered at new post from Smitten Kitchen.
It was for Pear Bread, it looked wonderfully easy and fun to make with Georgia and Wylder and I had all the ingridients. well, almost, the recipe required 4 pairs and I only had two, so we made it with 2 pairs and 2 apples. How bad could it be?
So we made Pear Bread. Lots of lickings . . .. .. mmmmmm


And now it's almost 9pm and everybody's waiting to taste the cake that just came out of the oven before bed time. Hot and steamy we all dig in.
Yummy . . . .
v














On her post, Deb said that this cake gets better everyday, hitting it's best on the fifth day.
Well, I don't know about the fifth day, it'll be lucky to sruvive 3, but one thing's for sure, it's pear (and apple) bread for breakfast tomorrow.
Now, that's something worth getting up for.