Saturday

Morninig,
Wake up at 5:30 - Meditation.
Sneak out for an early morning swim and sun salutations. Not without leaving Georgia and Wylder a piece of pear bread we made last night.
coming home - Georgia and Wylder are deep into their Nintendo DS screens, having eaten the morning slice of Pear Bread.
I make coffee and bring it to Daniel who is still in deep asleep, with a slice of pear bread, of course .
Later we'll have fried potatoes with hot dog and egs.
The day begins, slowly for Daniel, 3 miles ahead for me.

It often starts like this - a tiger, ready to conquer the world.
But then the daemons set in, not just the reality of my current situation, but also my inner ones.
They creep up on me at night, even as I am trying to bond with my lover. They are mine - always present within me. Mine alone and can't be shared.
I want to share their weight, their taste, their feel, with Daniel, but I can not.
I want to be able to say it all, to let it out, to let myself free in crazy sex.
But I am choked, bound by shackels, held back, by pride, by shame.
Some people can do that -you know, let go. Not me - how I envy such freedom.
It is inside of me, what ever ales me. I will carry it around for the life that mine.
And all the apparent drawbacks in my 'reality' are just mere manifestations of the shadow my daemons cast upon my life.
It is not as dark as it sounds, we all have them. It's just a matter of awareness.
Our reality is only a thumb print in the path we carve out for ourselves as we go along in our life. Each and every one of us with our very own kind of "issues" which create the same kind of problems for us, again and again and again.
In my meditation, in my dreams, in my conscious effort to become familiar with my unconscious. I try to free myself.
To sneak up on myself before I do my thing.
To surprise myself.
To scare myself.
I always hit the closed door.
It slams shut in my face just as I am about to enter it.
Juno,
I am just such a Juno.
And there's no way out.
It is said that awareness is half way to cure. I have always found this sentense an insult to my intelligence.
I herewith proclaim it false, you hear me, false, the more you know the more complication your life begets. That's my opinion.










Returning to the beauty of this one Saturday afternoon,
I went for another long glorious walk around Sunset Strip. Just love that I live right at the heart of Hollywood (well, almost).
Daniel took a picture of the sunset from our bedroom window while I was gone.











Dinner was kept light - hard boiled eggs, cauliflower with garlic and bread crumbs (and Mac&Cheese for the kids),
We had, yet again, Boeuf Bourguinnone for lunch, (getting better still) Followed again, by Brie, afternoon coffee and dark chocolate.
I must admit though, I am ready to stop writing this big name.







Sliced oranges for desert.


When I got home it was bath time for Georgia and Wylder (later for me )

Wylder loves his bath time and I so enjoy filling a tub of perfect temperature water and helping him in. Bath is so important for kids, it gives a break and relaxing time which they don't know how to take otherwise. I like to put some Magnesium salt in the water, it's ever so calming.
Afterward we are all ready to enjoy the evening. Everyone finds a corner to do something, alone, or together.
By 9pm though I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed by all that I still want to do, a pile of dishes and Georgia and Wylder not at all ready to go to bed.

when I attempt to put them to bed I often find myself falling ready to fall asleep myself.
Bedtime takes forever, have to tell a thousand stories and then smootching and then more kisses and more hugs mainly for Georgia who refuses to let go of the day, allow it to end.

I must find a way to make bed time survivable for me.
But in the end, I never just fall asleep with the kids, not me, not never.
That would be nice, but going to bed early is not in my book.
I wake up at 10:15pm go to finish up cleaning. Find that Daniel had done the dishes.
To me that's making love.

I am still here - it's 12: 32pm.
yes, there's little sleep in my life. But that's the only way . . .
Daniel is taking a shower and I'm uploading my pictures of the day.
Until I actually go to sleep a lot can still happen but that's for later:-)
Sweet dreams.